Though I have had plenty of it, hardship is not the only story I have to tell. The overall purpose of this Substack publication is to share where I’ve been and also where I’m going. I chose the tagline, “Learning to walk in newness of life” because that is what I am doing, and I am hopeful that is what you will learn when you stop in here also, if you’re not already in motion toward that end.
This present season is one I am deeply cherishing. It’s not that everything is perfect, but it’s just about as good as I good ask for. We are settled in a home of our own. We have space enough to grow and dream. We are together.
Constant Everything
I’m in the most demanding and exquisite season of motherhood I’ve ever been in. My children are in constant motion, making noise in all corners of our house. For those who may not know, there are seven of them ranging in age from four to seventeen. Four boys and three girls. I’ve discontinued sharing photos of them online for no specific reason (partly because I have not been sharing anything at all online for a time). It has seemed wise to me in this stretch to leave space for them as they come of age so they might share what they want of themselves online when the time comes. I suppose it is one way I am savoring this time with them, keeping the sacred parts close to my heart rather than out there on the interwebs. A couple of years ago, we briefly allowed our oldest to use Instagram for a few months, but quickly withdrew that decision due to the effect it was having on her. Since then we’ve decided to keep all of them off social media, and they all seem to be happier living their lives and cultivating their friendships in real-time, face-to-face.
My days are full of homeschooling (and hybrid homeschooling for the older bunch), mediating sibling disputes, transportation (we have two driving with permits, but no licenses yet), making food, filling and running the dishwasher 3 times a day, scrambling to stay a step ahead of what they need physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s been the best kind of busy, and there is not ever a single moment of my current life when I am bored. I actually have to deliberately go into my room and shut the door, or schedule time to go to a coffee shop for a bit in order to have some reprieve from the constant everything, but I am well aware this season will not last forever. I am grateful for the opportunity to have a front row seat to the formation of their lives and I will pour every ounce of goodness I can into each one of them. I am grateful for the constant, incredible conversations we have. I am grateful I can guide them through challenges while their problems are still relatively small, and it goes without saying, I am in constant prayer for their well-being and their futures.
Becoming Established
Back when Kolby and I got married, my dad gave a toast at our wedding and in it, he shared 1 Peter 5:10 as a prayer from his heart as we began our life together. It says,
“After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.”
Right now, we’re at the strengthen and establish you part. It makes me cry (happy tears) pretty regularly to see how this has played out in our lives. We have suffered for a little while. It’s been one wild ride. But also, God has been at work in our family in truly astounding ways. We moved to this 5-acre farm property 2 years ago, and the story of landing in this house is a great one I’ll have to share another time. It has been like opening pandora’s box, discovering new delights and dreams around every corner. Also stories I will have to expand upon later.
One little longing of my heart I’ve held close for years and years is that I wanted our children to have a place that will always be their home, even when they launch into the world. I want them to be able to come back from wherever they go and have the shared memories and deep connection to this place and be reminded of the miraculous things God has done for us. Having had all the challenges of the past 5+ years, I could see the window closing when all the kids would still be home to be able to make these memories and grow together in a home of our own together, and I truly didn’t think it could happen. But we are here. All together. It’s the most amazing thing.
We are also involved in a really wonderful, thriving, healthy church. There are many stories I could tell about hard church experiences we’ve had in the past, but this one has brought me deep encouragement, blossoming community, a place where we “fit” and are—all of us—growing in our faith. All glory be to God.
Growing and Thriving
We moved to this farm and became farm people. I chuckle to myself at the absurdity of it, because we have lived in the city for the past 20 years, and the farm situation here has escalated quickly. It started with a couple of chickens hatched by a friend (please remind me to tell you more about this in the future), and we now have cows, 40 egg layers, 6-8 pigs (depending on new litters and what we’ve recently harvested), turkeys, hundreds of meat chickens (all in the freezer now), cats and more. We deer fenced about an acre of our land so we could make the biggest, most ridiculously awesome garden. We built two enormous greenhouses in it and have started growing a rather absurd amount of vegetables and flowers. It’s a mess out there, because we are of course, learning as we go and we have totally overdone it. But it is the most wonderful thing. I will tell you more about all of these things, in time. The garden for me is a symbol of the spiritual growth and healing happening in the unseen places. It is very good.
And these are my words for the season.