It was my extreme joy and pleasure to write the first six days of Goodness, Grounded, on schedule as I had planned at the beginning of this month. In order to accomplish that, I drafted writing in the cracks of each day, and I stayed up late into the night to polish the day’s writing, record the coordinating audio in a quiet house after the kids were in bed, and hit publish somewhere around midnight. It was ambitious. It was very fun for me, and delight powered my late night writing escapades. I almost forgot that I’m now 40 years old and too many late nights in a row turn me into a pumpkin…like the end of season pumpkins that are wasting away in the field when the weather turns cold.
So my writing train-cars piled up a bit and I was unable to continue writing the series on the timeline I hoped to. Still, I am inspired by these “Goodness, Grounded” prompts, and I am here to pick up where I left off, with the hope of continuing the series through December, or honestly, however long it takes me.
If you were tuning in day by day, I’m sorry to have left you hanging. I am at peace with the choice to step out when I needed to, but I also thought this would be a good opportunity to share something that has been pretty hard for me to learn over the years, and that is the reality that I am not a machine.
There was a time when I had no grace for myself or my limitations. I had no patience for the detours I encountered, and if I set out to do a specific thing or pursue a specific goal (like writing and publishing every day in November), I would do everything in my power to deliver, sacrificing sleep or peace (or both) to do it. I believed anything in the way of my declared intentions to be an excuse or a distraction, and that I must stay the course no matter the cost.
I’ll just say, productive work is a wonderful thing, but productivity as an idol, or as the highest priority in life, is actually a trap. Productivity cares nothing for us or our wellbeing. Productivity is a terrible substitute for the love and leadership of God—who, by the way, cares for us and our wellbeing very much.
The days of serving productivity above all else are over for me. I’ve traded that history for a much gentler way of life: seeking the Lord and His will for me followed by working diligently to fulfill it, day by day. I still want to do things excellently, and I will continue to do so as much as I’m able, but I also acknowledge I am a normal mom with normal needs, and sleep really should be at the top of the list. I see now that this commitment to productivity, this striving, is not what God has in mind for me. He has a much more gentle way in mind.
And so I offer a little manifesto for those who find themselves sacrificing (too much) sleep for things they hope to succeed in. Feel free to say the following out loud for yourself, if it helps:
I will not fear failure.
I will rest when needed.
I will not neglect my highest priorities.
I will yield the pace I’ve set when my expectations and capacity are mismatched.
I will remember I am a normal person with normal and reasonable needs.
I will believe God for the strength and focus I need to accomplish what He sets out for me to do.
Whatever might weigh on you—your difficult circumstances, profound anxiety that feels like a thorn that won’t come out, any unreasonable or unsustainable expectations you have of yourself—there is rest for you in Jesus, if you want it. I don’t say that to be trite. It’s a real and true thing that is available if you want rest for your soul; if you want freedom from your striving; if you want a lighter load. This is not to say its easy to work out in real time. I mean, I’ve spent this whole post spelling out my struggle with being at peace with my limitations, not because I’ve graduated from wrestling with them, but because I am preaching to my own heart what I know to be true and need to continually remind myself of.
Let’s remember we’re not machines. We need rest. We need God’s grace and strength and help. We are loved not for what we can produce; it’s a just-because kind of love.
I love how your writing in winsomely honest. You have a wonderful gift of employing words with richness that I enjoy reading.💕
Emily! This is so well said and something I know you have been working on for a LONG time! I feel proud of you friend! You are ALWAYS growing. Your words and growth encourage and inspire me.💓 I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!